{"id":28388,"date":"2017-02-16T10:43:23","date_gmt":"2017-02-16T02:43:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.imoney.my\/articles\/?p=28388"},"modified":"2018-09-25T10:05:28","modified_gmt":"2018-09-25T02:05:28","slug":"emotional-about-money","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.imoney.my\/articles\/emotional-about-money","title":{"rendered":"How Emotional Are You About Money?"},"content":{"rendered":"

“Do you know exactly how much money you have?” I asked.<\/p>\n

“No,”\u00a0Mike\u00a0replied.<\/p>\n

“Why don’t I help you calculate that?” I asked. “It’ll help you know exactly how much assets you have.”<\/p>\n

“But I\u00a0don’t<\/em>\u00a0want<\/em>\u00a0to find out. I’m afraid.\u00a0I don’t want to think I have a lot of money and then start making stupid decisions.”<\/p>\n

This was a conversation from late last year. My friend\u00a0used the word “afraid” to describe his relationship with money, but his facial expressions and body language\u00a0suggested he was\u00a0more\u00a0terrified.<\/em><\/p>\n

Mind you, this wasn’t some 23-year-old fresh graduate. This was someone who’s (by my estimates)\u00a0a closet millionaire.<\/p>\n

I was stunned. Not only because I realised how most people (even smart, rich ones) attach emotions to money, but also because I realised I do it too.<\/p>\n

But why do we attach emotions to money?\u00a0And are those emotions actually\u00a0hurting\u00a0us?<\/p>\n

<\/span>What\u2019s your history with money?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Looking back at my history with money, I’m ashamed to say that I never understood it till my mid-twenties.<\/p>\n

Of course,\u00a0I knew the math and the practical uses of money. I knew how much things cost, and how to pay for them. What I never fully understood\u00a0was this: where does money come from and what does it really represent?<\/p>\n

I suspect most people are the same. We\u00a0see the practical uses of money, but because no one ever formally taught us personal finance — money\u00a0takes an almost mythical form in our minds.<\/p>\n

Like when we\u00a0look at a 50 ringgit\u00a0note. Do we see it as a magic pill to solve all our problems\u00a0(“Hey I need to get more of these notes! Then\u00a0I can pay off all my debts and buy even more stuff!”) or for\u00a0what it really is:\u00a0A piece of paper that only holds\u00a0value<\/em>\u00a0because the government says so, and because everyone else believes in it. If everyone just decides to stop accepting\u00a0the RM50 note tomorrow, it would become worthless.<\/p>\n

The problem isn’t with the pieces of paper, value or the government. But my fear is when people don’t understand something\u00a0like money, we\u00a0start to attach all sorts of irrational beliefs to it.<\/p>\n

Here’s another\u00a0example: let’s say\u00a0your father lost a lot of money in the 1997 Asian Financial Crisis (when you were growing up) and told you, “Don’t ever play the stock market — it’s gambling, you’ll lose, and won’t have enough food to eat.” You might develop a fear of\u00a0investing.<\/p>\n

But\u00a0is investing in the stock market gambling? Not necessarily, depending on how you do it. Will you lose? Sometimes, but there are ways to evaluate risk and cut losses. Will you starve? No — if you manage your money well.<\/p>\n

Because if you don’t understand money, then you can’t fully optimise it.<\/p>\n

<\/span>What are your feelings about money?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

Here are some common feelings I’ve seen people have about money, that\u00a0aren’t good for you:<\/p>\n

Lust<\/div>
Commonly seen in money-addicts; lust for money can make you do things you normally wouldn’t do. As the saying goes, “The\u00a0love of money<\/em>\u00a0is the root of all evil.”<\/div><\/div>\n
Fear<\/div>
Commonly seen in poor people: “I’m not going to be like one of those\u00a0evil<\/em>\u00a0money-minded people. I just want enough, and not let money corrupt me.”
\n<\/div><\/div>\n
Shame<\/div>
Seen in both high-income earners and low-income earners: “I feel inadequate. But if I could just make more money, I could be a better husband\/wife\/father\/mother\/son\/daughter…”
\n<\/div><\/div>\n
Anger<\/div>
“The government sucks and my bosses suck. The cost of living is going up, and I can’t afford nice things anymore. It’s not fair!”
\n<\/div><\/div>\n
Jealousy<\/div>
“See that guy driving his BMW? I bet he’s a corrupt businessman\u00a0with rich parents. How else could he be so rich\u00a0at this age?”
\n<\/div><\/div>\n

Because here’s my theory: the better you are at isolating emotions from money, the better you become at managing it. Like how emotionless computers can beat humans at Chess and Go now, and how your hustler cousin won all your\u00a0ang pow<\/em>\u00a0money during Chinese New Year poker\u00a0— we could make better money choices if we\u2019re less emotional about money.<\/p>\n

But of\u00a0course — you and I are not machines. And\u00a0let’s be honest — none of us can fully control\u00a0our emotions.<\/p>\n

I don’t think anyone can help themselves from feeling devastated\u00a0if they don’t have enough money to feed their children. On the flip side,\u00a0I don’t think anyone can not be ecstatic\u00a0if someonek suddenly awards them a brand-new home.<\/p>\n

But we can all take the first step by being more aware of how we feel about money. And if there are\u00a0unhealthy feelings there — we can start by changing our behaviour.<\/p>\n

<\/span>What\u2019s your future with money?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n

You can’t control your emotions, but you can control your actions. And you can change\u00a0your beliefs. All these will eventually\u00a0influence your emotions.<\/p>\n

Here are five beliefs and actions to counter the negative emotions most people have about money:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0Be content<\/strong><\/p>\n

You will never be able to make enough money to satisfy lust. The more you have, the more you will want. Would it be better to be content with what you have? (This doesn’t mean you don’t try to improve your finances. It means you draw the line between healthy ambition and destructive greed.)<\/p>\n

Suggested action:<\/div>
Create a detailed\u00a0breakdown\u00a0of how much money you really\u00a0need<\/strong>. Everything else beyond that is a\u00a0want<\/strong>.<\/div><\/div>\n

2. Money is a neutral tool<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you think money is evil — you will never accumulate wealth (unless of course, you view yourself as an evil person). You will lead a life with poor money habits because of your poor beliefs. It is much better to view money as a neutral, yet powerful tool.<\/p>\n

Suggested action:<\/div>
Consider all the good things that your money can do in this world (e.g. helping to\u00a0feed the poor\u00a0or cure\u00a0cancer?)<\/div><\/div>\n

3.\u00a0Self-esteem does not come from riches<\/strong><\/p>\n

How you feel about yourself should not be dependent on how much money you make or how much you have in the bank. As a person, you have inherent value, worth\u00a0and dignity.<\/p>\n

Suggested action:<\/div>
Surround yourself with people who will love you no matter how much money you have. If you’re not sure they’ll love you, talk to them and find out.<\/div><\/div>\n

4.\u00a0Be responsible<\/strong><\/p>\n

Life sometimes throws us sucky situations — like corrupt politicians and increasing petrol prices.\u00a0But all of us can do things to respond to bad\u00a0events. We are not powerless — we can create change.<\/p>\n

Suggested action:<\/div>
If you’re angry about something — stop complaining. Start doing something to help solve the problem.<\/div><\/div>\n

5. \u00a0Be happy for others (Compersion<\/a>)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jealousy is a useless emotion. It only\u00a0creates\u00a0a wall between yourself and the person you’re jealous of.\u00a0And if you’re jealous of someone’s money — it creates a wall between you and that money too. Better to\u00a0stay positive.<\/p>\n

Suggested action:<\/div>
Whenever you’re feeling jealous, practise gratitude. List down blessings that you’re grateful for in your own life. Even better, try to get to know the person you’re jealous of better. You might learn something from them.<\/div><\/div>\n

– – –<\/p>\n

No one will ever be completely free of emotions when it comes to money. But changing our beliefs and behaviour can help us manage those emotions better. And it can help us make\u00a0rational\u00a0decisions that will be good for you and your money.<\/p>\n

After all,\u00a0when\u00a0it comes to\u00a0money, you should really be happy.<\/p>\n

Aaron Tang is the founder of mr-stingy.com<\/a>. He writes about optimising time, money, and relationships \u2013 to make the most out of life.<\/div><\/div>\n
Image from US News<\/em><\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How you manage your money has to do with how you feel about it. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":41,"featured_media":28391,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[256,218],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-28388","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-money-management"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nAre You Emotional About Money?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Some emotions toward money can be bad for your. 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